“Rizz” has been crowned the word of the year for 2023 by the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary. If you are a generation or so older than Gen Z, chances are you may have had to look for what rizz means. This jazzy word is believed to have come from the word charisma and is quite frequently used by netizens. While it seems to be a hit dating tactic, it may not be enough to sustain a relationship.

While announcing ‘rizz’ as the word of the year 2023 on X, Oxford University Press described it as “style, charm, or attractiveness; the ability to attract a romantic or sexual partner.”

The word has been around for a while, but it went viral in June 2023 after the
Spider-Man star Tom Holland said in an interview, “I have no rizz whatsoever.”

What are the pros and cons of this dating tactic?

In everyday usage, if someone says they have “rizz”, they are expressing confidence or a certain allure that makes them attractive to potential partners. The term captures the positive and confident energy associated with the pursuit of romantic connections, and it reflects an optimistic outlook in the context of dating, says psychotherapist, life and business coach Dr Chandni Tugnait.

Here are some pros of rizz:

1. Increased positivity

Wearing “rizz-coloured glasses” may contribute to a more positive outlook, emphasising the attractive qualities of potential partners.

2. Confidence boost

People may experience a boost in confidence when feeling drawn to someone with charisma and charm. This in turn helps to enhance their self-esteem.

3. Enhanced social interactions

The dating trend may encourage more social interactions as people are drawn to engaging and charismatic personalities. It fosters a sense of connection.

4. Joyful dating experience

Dating with a focus on charm and attractiveness can make the overall experience more enjoyable and lighthearted.

5. Exploration of chemistry

Emphasising “rizz” may lead to exploring chemistry and attraction in relationships. It can create a more exciting dating dynamic.

6. Inspiration for self-improvement

Being attracted to someone’s “rizz” could inspire people to enhance their charisma and charm. This will help to promote personal growth, says the expert.

7. Connection through playfulness

The playful nature of the term may facilitate connection between people. It is done through shared humour and a lighthearted approach to relationships.

Why ‘rizz’ may not be good for you?

1. Superficial attraction

This tactic may lead to a simpler approach to dating. That’s because it emphasises on external charm rather than more profound and meaningful connections.

2. Potential for deception

People may prioritise external charm without considering the substance. This will lead to potential deception and disappointment in relationships.

3. Risk of ignoring red flags

Focusing solely on charisma may lead people to ignore potential red flags or essential aspects of compatibility. So, they might end up being in unhealthy relationships.

4. Impact on self-esteem

If people feel they lack the perceived charisma or attractiveness, it could negatively impact their self-esteem and confidence in the dating scene.

5. Shallow relationships

Overemphasis on “rizz” may contribute to developing superficial relationships. Such relationships lack emotional depth or compatibility.

6. Disappointment and realisation

People may fall for someone’s “rizz” only to realise later that the person lacks depth. It will lead to disappointment and potential emotional distress.

7. Objectification

There is a risk of objectifying people based on their external qualities, potentially overlooking their unique personalities and values.

8. Comparisons and insecurities

Constant exposure to charismatic people may lead to unhealthy comparisons and insecurities. This is especially true in case of people who feel they do not measure up to perceived standards.

While “rizz” can undoubtedly increase a relationship’s initial attraction and charm, it is insufficient to build a meaningful and lasting commitment, says Dr Tugnait.

What are the ways to look past the rizz for a healthy relationship?

A comprehensive foundation is required for a successful and long-lasting relationship. Here’s what you need to have:

• Open communication
• Shared values and goals
• Emotional intelligence
• Practical conflict resolution skills
• Shared growth and flexibility
• Mutual commitment to trust and reliability.

Looking past the “rizz” or surface-level charm is essential for building a healthy and sustainable relationship.

1. Prioritise substance over style

While charisma and charm are appealing, qualities that contribute to a genuine relationship should be prioritised. Look for shared values, hobbies and life goals, focusing on the person’s substance rather than their outward charm. Understanding the deeper components of their personality and character is required.

2. Engage in deep and meaningful talks

Go beyond superficial connections by engaging in deep and meaningful discussions. Discuss your values, life experiences and future goals. This allows you to have a deeper understanding of your mate, developing a connection based on intellectual and emotional compatibility.

3. Observe action-consistency

Pay attention to the consistency of words and actions, suggests the expert. A person’s behaviour over time reflects their character more accurately than their first charm. Consistency fosters trust and dependability, which are essential components of a strong relationship that extend beyond the initial infatuation.

4. Emotional intelligence assessment

Emotional intelligence is essential for negotiating the difficulties of a relationship. Examine your partner’s capacity to comprehend and control emotions, empathise with others, and successfully communicate. Emotional intelligence helps a relationship’s durability during difficult times.

So, look beyond surface-level charm to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship.