Whenever you search “how to have better sex” on the world wide web, you will get a flurry of content recommending you to invest in seductive lingerie, curate a sexy playlist, or maybe eat chocolate-coated strawberries in bed! All of these may promise to spice you your life in bed. But here’s a truth bomb: None of these will work if you are dealing with inner challenges regarding your body, sex or life. You will only be able to enjoy better intimacy if you can stop these mental distractions during sex.

Our experiences begin in the brain, and our sex life is no different. If your mind is filled with anxiety and insecurity, none of the physical intimacy may move you enough to a power-packed orgasm. You will need to go the extra mile to stop that distracting soundtrack in your brain that may be ruining your bedroom vibes. To get a better experience in bed, you must understand how to stop distracting thoughts during sex and shift your perspective to a new way of thinking.

How to stop negative thoughts during sex?

The truth is that our inner chatter can get in the way of how you experience pleasure. So, the best way to step out of that chaotic loop and experience great sexual pleasure is by training your brain to stay present and mindful in the moment. Here are some ways in which you can avoid distractions during sex:

1 Stay focused

A sexual act always involves two partners, and both partners should stay focused on the sexual act. Any kind of events before that or any kind of events which are likely to happen after the act, may hinder the concentration during the activity. Even if any one of the partners is not focused, the purpose of sexual activity (to achieve orgasms) will not be fulfilled, says psychiatrist and sexologist Dr Sanjay Kumavat.

He suggests, “To make it successful, try to create a proper ambience in the room. Also, make sure that both partners are in a receptive and stress-free mood to enter into a sexual activity. You may also take some time to unwind by indulging in deep breathing to soothe your nervous system. Try to be one with your partner while you are having sex by keeping all your sensory organs alive during sex. Also, after it gets over, try to keep away from distractions and keep a soothing light turned on in the room”.

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2. Pay attention to patterns

If similar kinds of intrusive thoughts arise during sex, pay attention to that vicious loop. They point towards areas you can work on. For instance, if it is sexual performance anxiety, you can practice more foreplay to get comfortable and in the mood. If it is a constant loop of anxiety about almost everything, it could be a cue of generalized anxiety disorder. Getting in touch with a healthcare professional can be of help.

Also read: 10 ways to build intimacy without indulging in sex

3. Practise mindfulness

This probably is not the first time you have heard about the benefits of mindfulness regarding mental health. Mindfulness is a practice to train your brain to stay grounded in the present moment by getting rid of all distractions. A wandering mind will surely interfere with your sex life. That is where the benefits of mindfulness come into the picture.

To prepare yourself for a good sex life at night with your partner, start practising mindfulness during the day itself.

4. Communicate your feelings to your partner

Sometimes, vocalizing your inner chatter to your partner can prove to be of great help. You might not be enjoying the clichéd way of having sex, and that is normal for all. Try to speak to your partner about your needs, and get to know about his/her needs too. You can also share your fears and doubts surrounding sex with your partner. Communicating is always better than bottling up your emotions and feelings and lamenting about it all alone.

5. Create time and space for sex

Mindfulness works wonders in keeping your stress at bay while you are about to engage in physical intimacy. However, if there are external distractions like a messed up room or your phone popping up notifications, you need to do away with them to create a viable vibe for sex.

Simply put, set time and space aside for having sex by diminishing distractions. Explore ways that create a vibe. Put on some good music or take a cold shower to shut the inner stress.

6. Work on your insecurities

If you are someone who is struggling to cope with insecurities, work on healing yourself so that you can feel confident within yourself and your body. For instance, if you have body image issues, work on developing a healthier relationship with your body and everyone around you. Similarly, if you have insecurities about having sex, work on your relationship with your partner.