We all live with insecurities, and it is normal to have them. However, what matters more is how you think about yourself despite having those self-defined shortcomings. Do you accept your flaws and strive to improve them? If you accept them and make room for improvement, you are likely to have high self-belief and self-esteem. But if you live your life making decisions that help seek external validation, you maybe living with a fragile ego. This can have a negative impact on all aspects of your life. You can be overly insecure or feel unstable within yourself and that makes you chase perfectionism in order to avoid a critical gaze from others. If you resonate with these signs, you must learn about fragile ego and ways to deal with it.

What is ego?

The Oxford dictionary defines ego as the (good) opinion that a person may have of himself or herself. Our ego is our conscious mind, the part of our identity that we perceive of our identity. It can be made up of our personal beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and values. Someone who is too puffed up with pride or is full of himself is said to be having a big ego or delicate ego.

Difference between ego and fragile ego

To a certain extent, all of us have an ego that serves to define our identities and sets boundaries. It supports us in preserving our sense of respect and self-worth. Depending on how strong your ego is, it will guide you in making decisions on how to react in both your personal and professional life.

A weaker, unstable, insecure or defensive feeling of self is referred to as a fragile ego. Individuals with fragile egos tend to be defensive, have low self-esteem, make bad decisions and may also be people-pleasers. In a lot of aspects of life, they require validation from others. They could also be inconsistent and incapable of solving problems, says psychologist and psychotherapist Priyanka Kapoor.

Since they don’t adhere to their own morals and life’s purpose, they are typically not very happy or content. By nature, they are extremely susceptible. They also rely emotionally on other people. They even have weak boundaries, which makes it easy for others to take advantage of them. Due to their tendency toward indecision and affirmation-seeking, they are also prone to entering harmful partnerships. Despite this, they may project an inflated ego, which is merely a surface-level way of telling themselves that they are good enough. They are also frequently unforgiving, tend to hold onto grudges, and struggle with adjustment.

Individuals with such traits are also more susceptible to addiction, anxiety, and depression. By nature, they may also be short-tempered, explains the expert.

What causes a fragile ego?

Here are some reasons behind the existence of fragile ego:

1. Lack of love during childhood

If a person has not received love, compassion, affirmation or attention throug their formative years, they may grow up with a weak sense of self, says the expert. Any person who has been marginalized or trivialized all throughout growing up, a person tends to develop a weaker sense of self, also known as a fragile ego.

2. Victims of abuse or trauma

Children who have experienced emotional abuse or neglect may also have fragile egos. Some incidents or bad phases of life leave a deep scar within us and make us feeble. Any person who has gone through dark chapters of life tends to develop a weaker self-esteem.

3. Challenging childhood circumstances

Most of the credit for how our personality shapes us relies heavily on our early childhood experiences. If any person’s childhood has been challenging in any aspect, it gets hard for that person to develop a high sense of self-esteem or confidence in the later years of life. People who experienced challenging childhood circumstances—whether they were psychological, emotional, financial, or physical—end up with fragile egos, says the expert.

4. Hardships

Fragile egos can also emerge in people who are experiencing challenges in their lives, such as problems with their relationships, careers, physical health, or other mental health issues. People who may have gone through a bad heartbreak, had a hard time developing a promising career, are undergoing serious medical conditions or are struggling with mental health conditions like depression or anxiety, tend to develop fragile egos that break their sense of self easily.

Signs of a person with a fragile ego

You can catch a fragile ego if you notice these signs within yourself or any other person around you. Some of the common signs of fragile ego include:

1. Being in defensive mode

It is normal to get your defensive mode on when someone insults you or challenges you in a way that feels disrespectful. However, people living with fragile egos tend to perceive even the most constructive criticism very personally. Due to this, they feel offended or get upset and can even overact when they are on the receiving end of criticism.

2. Desire for perfectionism

People with fragile egos are insecure within themselves, and they usually try to go beyond to overachieve, partly because criticism can trigger parts of them. They fear being judged or critiqued which leads them to do their best at everything. They jump the extra mile to achieve tasks because they believe that if they fail, people with dislike or criticize them.

3. Fear of failure

People with fragile egos do not take criticism in good light. They think that failing at something will bring their good image down in the eyes of others, making others judge their capabilities and worth. That is why they fear failure as it makes them feel worthless.

4. Attention seeking behaviour

As mentioned earlier, a fragile ego develops in certain people due to bad childhood experiences when they were trivialised by their parents or close ones. That makes them crave attention in adulthood. They try their best to grab eyeballs from others by engaging in conversations or becoming part of those events they care less about.

5. Indecisiveness

People with fragile egos lack self-belief and doubt their ability to make wise decisions which leads to indecisiveness. They keep putting off making a decision even if the matter requires urgent attention. They double-check their decision with everyone else and have a fluctuating mind before finally making a decision.

6. Negative self-talk

Insecurity within oneself is a major sign of a fragile ego. As a result, such people take about themselves negatively by shedding light on things they can not do rather than mentioning their strengths and talents.

How to overcome it or deal with a fragile ego?

Living with a fragile ego makes that person lack self-belief or confidence within oneself. Fortunately, you can learn to conquer your inner insecurities that lead to a fragile ego and come out stronger and better. Here are some tips to overcome fragile ego:

1. Letting go

You must get to the root cause of your fragile ego. Mostly, it comes from unresolved conflicts or bad emotions that you have experienced in the past. To develop a stronger sense of self, one must learn to let go of everything bad that has been a part of your life. Some chapters of life never give you a clear closure, you have to learn to bid adieu to everything that has not served your highest good to proceed further in life. Those with weak egos need to improve their self-esteem. They should also learn to let go of their unsolved conflicts from the past and move on, reckons the expert.

2. Catch your negative thought patterns

You know clearly when a negative thought pops up in your head. Become more self-aware and get to know how your mind functions. The moment you catch yourself thinking negatively, shift your perspective to something positive every single time until it becomes a habit. By addressing their negative thought patterns, they can learn to think more positively about other people, themselves, and the circumstances, suggests the expert.

3. Work on your communication abilities

People with fragile egos tend to bottle up their emotions instead of voicing out their true feelings because of the fear of judgment. Such people should work on you’re their ability to communicate their true feelings and intentions to others. They should also focus on improving their ability to communicate with others and convey their feelings and expectations.

4. Seek help when needed

With a mental health professional’s assistance, you can get to the bottom of the real cause of your fragile ego. An expert like a psychotherapist can help understand the functioning of your mind better and help you deal with it in a more positive and logical way. Therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy also function effectively in this situation.

5. Become self-aware

Being self-aware will enable individuals to acknowledge their accomplishments, skills, and abilities. They should establish firm limits and focus on developing their sense of value, respect, and compassion for themselves, says the expert.

To learn more about their strengths, limitations, and emotional needs, they can also take personality assessments with the assistance of a specialist. They will become more conscious of their potential and values as a result, enabling them to lead meaningful lives, adds the expert.